For all of you people who got pissed about the all-women Ghostbusters reboot and complained about how it ‘ruined your childhood’ – you might want to know about this new range of sex toys. Pokémon sex toys are here to take your innocent fun and make it all dirty. This new line of toys is joining innocent child play with anal sex in such a sickening way that you may want to call the police. The Pokémon Go craze has already infiltrated the worlds of dining, dating, friendship, porn and even Beyoncé. [7] So it was only a matter of time before Pokémon-themed dildos were added to the list. The company making this happen is Geeky Sex Toys, an Australian site that specializes in “combining pop culture with sex toys” and “re-imagining them in a fun and nerdy way.” [7] It’s a collection of sex toys inspired by Pokémon. “We had always intended on doing a Pokémoan range of toys,” a representative for Geeky Sex Toys said in an email. “When Pokémon Go came out we decided to move them up the priority list.” [7] The new range of toys is cheekily titled Pokemoan (get it?) and has four 100 percent silicone insertable toys, ranging in price from $50-$69, and inspired by four different characters — Bulbasaur, Charmander, Squirtle, and Pikachu. [11] The silicone toys are perfect for anyone who fancies being an ultimate Pokémon master in the gym and the bedroom. They’re based on the starter pokémon, and each one has specific sexual powers – so choose wisely. [1] And in case you were wondering if the people who are fanatical about Pokémon Go are just as fanatical about the prospect of making love to a silicone Bulbasaur: they are. “People are going nuts over the Pokémoan products, absolutely loving them,” they said. “We have had an overwhelming response and are flat out trying to keep up.” [7]
The Bulbasaur-inspired ‘Bulby’ has a ‘large seed tip’ that’s 5cm wide, for deep stimulation.
‘Squirty”s large grooved turtle shell on its back will give stimulation intense stimulation along the top wall of the vagina, so it’s ideal for women who are able to get off via G-spot action.
‘Charmy’ is slightly thinner and has a large, pointed flaming tail. So you can set your sex life on fire.
There’s also ‘Piky’. The Pikachu of starter pokémon, it’s really not best suited for beginners. It’s a butt plug that slots into your bum to give you a mini Pikachu tail. Cute.
Each sex toy costs $69 (£52), apart from ‘Piky’, which is $50 (£39). Gotta catch ’em all, we guess.
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