Is David Cameron a Pig Fucker?

It would seems that British Prime Minister David Cameron is “a pig fucker.” The bizarre, and possibly illegal act, allegedly took place during the initiation for a debauched and secretive society at the University of Oxford. The lurid details are described in an extraordinary, unauthorized biography of the British prime minister written by the former deputy chairman of the Conservative Party. There is a photograph, it is said.  “The pig’s head, he claimed, had been resting on the lap of a Piers Gaveston society member while Cameron performed the act,” Ashcroft writes.  The magazine Tatler, Britain’s leading arbiter of the aristocracy, describes the group as Oxford’s “coolest” drinking society, with an annual summer party that is “basically a very well-organized orgy.” Hugh Grant was once a member. [2] Downing Street has refused to comment on the alleged indiscretion, which is being described as his “Bae of Pigs” crisis on Twitter. [2] With this new story dubbed the “most bizarre sexual scandal of the decade” [33] the web magazine Vice wrote ironically that “we find ourselves enjoying arguably the greatest day in British history.” [4] Suddenly, stories about Cameron’s allegedly excessive drug-taking and general debauchery in his youth were even momentarily eclipsed.  [5] The book’s author, Lord Ashcroft, is a “self-made businessman from a humble background who made a fortune through sheer bloody hard work,” according to Politico. [34] He’s been described by billionaire contemporaries as “one of the worst people in the world to have as your enemy … and the best person in the world to have as your friend.”  He donated more than £8million to the Conservative Party, helping them secure two election victories. But Mr Cameron only offered him a junior whip position in the Foreign Office, which was subsequently turned down. [8] In a House of Cards-worthy move, Ashcroft felt slighted when Cameron did not offer him an important job after Cameron came to power in 2010, and the biography is his revenge. [6]   “Long after he became prime minister, the impression persisted that he was more interested in holding the office than in using its power to achieve anything in particular. His laissez-faire approach can create the impression that he is insufficiently concerned by results, and more than once he has appeared so relaxed that he has only stirred to avert disaster at the last minute. But my own particular beef with him is more personal,” Ashcroft wrote. [2]

The disturbing account of British elitist hedonism dovetails with stories of debauchery surrounding several American politicians, from the lavish escapades conducted at the clandestine Bohemian Grove to the cringe-inducing Skull and Bones fraternity rites, rumored to include masturbating in a coffin.  [12] “[Skull and Bones] Initiates must masturbate in a coffin while recounting their sexual exploits, for which they will be rewarded with a no-strings-attached gift of $15,000,” The Scotsman newspaper reported in 2004.  [12] When Oscar Wilde wrote that “life imitates art,” we doubt he thinking of pig sex.  A similar, but fictitious sexual incident involving a UK prime minister and a pig was portrayed in the 2011 British TV series Black Mirror. In the first episode, entitled The National Anthem, a member of the royal family is kidnapped and held for ransom unless the prime minister agrees to have sex with a pig live on national television. [12]

There are so many questions that flow from this, but possibly the most important are: is it true? And what is the political impact of this story?   Many people are arguing that it does matter, that it has political significance. They’ll say it adds to the image of the young Cameron as a man of privileged depravity, a man who lived a life far removed from the rest of the country. One of his Tory colleague thinks that the impact is ‘considerable’.  ‘What it basically involved was getting drunk and standing on restaurant tables, shouting about “fucking plebs”,’ he says. ‘It was all about despising poor people.’ [3] Perverse as it might sound, other people (namely the journalist who wrote the piece for the Telegraph) think that there really aren’t any political consequences of a story that the Prime Minister did something rude to a dead pig. [1] It won’t change anyone’s mind about him, though it may convince some that they were right in what they already thought. It won’t change a single vote, and wouldn’t have done so even if Mr Cameron was standing again.  [1] In summary, the UK is now led by a man whom many voters will forever believe or suspect once had sex with a dead pig. [1]  As Lyndon Johnson knew, the real point of accusing your enemy of sex with pigs is to force him to deny it. True or not, the image is so vivid it sticks in the mind, indelibly colouring someone’s reputation. And LBJ was operating in the pre-internet age. Today online debate is emotion first, facts a long-distant second.  Barely 12 hours after publication, the internet has decided that David Cameron did something unspeakable with a pig. Nothing can change that. Even a the most convincing and comprehensive refutation of the story, a sworn confession from everyone involved that they made it up, won’t change the story: it would just become a footnote on a Wikipedia page, a thing clever people say in years to come when the story is retold in pubs.  Some stories are so compelling the truth can’t change them.  The Prime Minister’s spokeswoman said: “I’m not going to dignify this book by offering a comment. The author has set out his reasons for writing this book.  “The Prime Minister is focused on getting on with the job of running the country.” [6] The magazine The New Statesman doesn’t agree and took the critic a step higher saying that “What David Cameron did to the pig, his party is now doing to the country.” [32]

 

Vice has proposed a little exercise of imagination to illustrate (whether the story is true or not) the incredible amount of trouble David Cameron is actually in today:  Imagine: Samantha Cameron, arms firmly folded while sat primly on a chaise longue, just absolutely furious. Imagine: David Cameron, keenly ignoring the phone, on his hands and knees. “No, Samantha,” he’s saying. “I never fucked a pig.” Imagine: the year is 2017, and David Cameron’s son uses the internet for the first time. Imagine: the entire Conservative press team at 11PM last night, all drawing straws to see who will make the phone call. “Hi, David,” an intern is saying. “Yeah, I know this is when you usually watch your Antiques Roadshow re-runs.  [4] David Cameron fucking a pig is no longer beyond the realms of your human imagination. The idea of David Cameron fucking a pig is, finally, something this country can believe in.  And here’s the best thing: Cameron can’t even resign his way out of this, because then he would forever be the prime minister who fucked a pig so hard he had to quit. Burn your copies of Catch-22 and buy Lord Ashcroft’s book about pigfucking instead. This is better.  [4]

In Cameron’s defence, if we forget about the drinking, the pig fucking and other antics, there’s no evidence that he damaged any property or hurt or offended others. Instead, his participation in club activities appears to have been relatively measured. [3] Cameron may well have come to the same conclusion. Despite his extra-curricular activities, he took his studies very seriously and was highly regarded by tutors. [3] Cameron’s participation in the Bullingdon Club, an exclusive all-male dining club at Oxford University – notorious for throwing ostentatious banquets at which privileged students get very drunk in restaurants that they often then vandalise, before paying for the damage in full – is dismissed as youthful high jinks.  The Guardian went as far as to invoke neurochemistry in order to excuse and explain Cameron’s behavior:

Young people are supposed to be reckless. This is not simply a social and cultural process – a period when young people figure things out and have fun before settling down – it’s a physiological one. And its primary driver is not hormonal – though of course hormones have a lot to do with it. At that age our brains are actually changing. [5]

They went as far as to interview a specialist on the brain of teenagers in order to cover for Cameron: “The brain is a collection of cells that communicate with one another using chemicals called neurotransmitters,” explains Daniel Siegel in Brainstorm, The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain. “During adolescence there is an increase in the activity of the neural circuits utilising dopamine, a neurotransmitter central in creating our drive for reward. Starting in early adolescence and peaking midway through, this enhanced dopamine release causes adolescents to gravitate toward thrilling experiences and exhilarating sensations.” [5]

A prankster has also created a Twitter account under the handle “Cameron’s Pig” and has been setting the internet ablaze with viral tweets since news of the controversy broke yesterday.

In the absence of the tell-tale photograph, the internet has filled the gap by providing hilarious responses the unfolding ‘PigGate’ saga.

 

.@David_Cameron allegedly put his private parts into a dead pig’s mouth at Oxford http://t.co/EzeK7E9hvK #piggate pic.twitter.com/qpvR8hF1MB

— Taiwanese Animators (@NMAtv) 21 Septembre 2015

I’m just going to leave this here… (via @Matt_Muir and @b3ta) #piggate pic.twitter.com/ItTlzsOTCc — ALVX WILSON (@adjwilson) 21 Septembre 2015