Amid the sleepy, irony-lined streets of Portland, Oregon, a menace looms quietly from above—and if you don’t look up, you could miss it. Someone has been up to no good in Portland recently as passersby are amazed, embarrassed, or just plain amused to see hundreds of sex toys dangling from the power lines.  Local media reported that numerous sex toys have been seen hanging in recent days from power lines across Portland, Oregon. “The large white and bright orange dildos appear to have been strung together in pairs, and have prompted numerous reports to the Portland Office of Neighborhood Involvement,” department spokeswoman Lisa Leddy said on Monday.  Fortunately a spokesman for the public utility Portland General Electric, who manage the decorated power lines, says they don’t believe the hundreds of sex toys pose any kind of fire hazard, but the story is of course getting pretty hot all on its own.  In online forums, Portlanders posted photos of dildos swaying in the wind above a number of major commercial streets, and speculated about their origins. Portland resident Lucila Cejas Epple said she first encountered the phalluses at a neighborhood street fair over the weekend. “You could spot them in several intersections and you could see all sorts of reactions to them,” she said. “Some would blush, others would laugh, and most would take photos.”  The Oregonian found a spokesperson for Pacific Power with a micropenis-sized sense of humor. “Dildos are as much a safety hazard as shoes, kites, balloons and other items routinely found tangled in lines,” said Tom Gauntt. “The temptation may be there for tittering, but we want to keep the lines as safe as possible,” he added.  Portland General Electric crews have responded to similar calls, said spokeswoman Brianne Hyder. “We just want to encourage people that it’s never a good idea to bring any object into contact with overhead lines,” Hyder said.   Other officials said there hasn’t been a groundswell of complaints. “Actually, most of the calls we’ve gotten lately have been from the media,” said Susan Barr, a worker at a Portland city and county call center, to the newspaper.  Marc Farrar, a Comcast spokesman, said he’s not aware of crews removing any of the toys from Portland power lines. Ryan Noll, a CenturyLink spokesman, declined comment. 
The first dildo pair revealed itself on Saturday at north Portland’s Mississippi Street Fair—a heinously family-friendly affair that attracts suburbanites to inner Portland like so many Old Navy-clad moths to flame. Mississippi Street was decked out in a full dildo quatrain, as revealed by Instagram user @rojuliase, who documented one of the earlier sightings. On Reddit, user ublike shared an Imgur upload in which a second set hangs in the foreground.  The Oregonian contacted a local sex toy boutique for women, She Bop, to see if they might have had a hand in this job. Manager Amory-Jane Rogers said the store doesn’t carry the types seen around town, and denied any connection. Still, she won’t look a one-eyed gift-snake in the mouth. “It’s kind of cute that when people think of dildos, they think of us,” she said.  
For the moment, the identity of Portland’s public dildo curator remains a mystery. There are currently no suspects in what shall now be known as the Great Portland Dildo Caper. By Tuesday, the Internet had exploded with high-strung dildo sightings. And now, what you all came for… pictures of dildos hanging from utility lines.