The New ‘My Little Pony’ Inflatable Sex Doll Hit the Shelves

Hey, remember My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic? It’s that nice kids’ cartoon about ponies and friendship. My Little Pony—a franchise that can be enjoyed equally by children and perfectly polite gentlemen who appreciate it on a deeply artistic and emotional level—has inspired numerous tributes over the years, ranging from drawings that imagine various Pony adventures and awakenings, to equally real pledges of marriage. But they’ve never been captured in something that can provide the sort of tangible, tactile companionship promised in their credo, Friendship Is Magic. That is, until a Chinese company finally created the My Little Pony blow-up doll. [7] Well, it was nice while it lasted, but the age of innocence is over: dudes are fucking inflatable cartoon ponies with boobs now. Chinese manufacturer, Hongyi, recently listed their “custom inflatable girl pony” on Alibaba, the Amazon of China (meaning it’s just Really Big Amazon). There she is, Rainbow Dash, once so simple and un-sexualized, now ruined forever by weird internet pervs who can’t just appreciate this nice show without wanting to have sex with things. [4]  The doll is a bootleg toy called the “Sexy Inflatable Girl Pony.” It stands at 5-foot-9, and looks like the My Little Pony character Rainbow Dash — with some very distinct differences. [3]  This blow-up doll is a very curvaceous interpretation of the character and appears to be wearing a low-cut leotard over what would be the pony’s private parts. [3]   Physically speaking, it’s like some kind of nightmare combination of Nicki Minaj and Skrillex, except with a very recognizable cutie mark [4] The lovely Ms. Dash is ready even for the raunchiest and the dirtyest sex parties since she is very conveniently made of easily-washable PVC plastic. [1]  The listing on the website says that these things are good for parties, advertisements, or outdoor events. No mention of ‘in a small bedsit with a right weirdo’. But we’ll assume that one goes without saying. [2]  The sexy girl pony dolls are customizable and can be ordered in any size or color you want, in case you’re the kind of twisted monster who NEEDS this in their lives. [4]

The horsey is not currently available for direct retail sales, but will run you as low as $100 a piece if you order in bulk. Hong Yi says their factory is prepared to churn out as many as 2000 ponies a month if you need them, and special designs can be made if you order enough. [1]  It would seems that there really are some grown men — AKA “Bronies” — who are into My Little Pony… I mean in the sexual sense of the word. At first I thought these dudes were trolling the rest of us with a fake affinity for a show aimed at little girls, but they’re not. Their zest is genuine. Weird as shit, but genuine.  China wants to capitalize on that genuine affinity. [5] They are betting that these grown men who love My Little Pony, are also the same kind of guys who fuck sex dolls. [5] So this is the reason why China is manufacturing the “‘Dash Doll” which is a My Little Pony sex doll that cater directly to these dudes.  I know what you’re thinking right now. “How many of these things could they possibly sell?” Well, friends, a fuckload more than your brain probably initially thought. According to Horse News (yes, that’s a real thing), “one of these could be yours for as low as $99 a piece if you order in bulk, the factory is prepared to churn out as many as 3500 ponies a month if you need them to.”  [2] [15]  Although I doubt any of these dolls will be attending public functions, it is worth noting that Hongyitoys also sells inflatable tents and slides. So maybe you could buy a bouncy castle, throw a barbecue and introduce your new special pony lady to your family. [4]

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