Introducing The Wankband: The first wearable tech that allows you to love the planet by loving yourself.
The energy crisis could be over – after Pornhub tapped into one of the world’s great unused reservoirs of energy. [1] This untapped source of energy is, of course, the “furious wrists of internet masturbators, many of whom are […] glued to Pornhub. [1] What if sex crazed teenage boys could solve the energy crisis? The adult website Pornhub is taking us one step closer to that possibility. [4] With an estimated 41 million people visiting it every day, PornHub figured it might be time to channel all that furious fapping into something more useful than brief, boredom-relieving ecstasy. “Every day, millions of hours of adult content are consumed online, wasting energy in the process and hurting the environment,” the porn site writes on a dedicated website. [3] This invention will no doubts allow young men to take multitasking to a WHOLE NEW LEVEL. [7] We remember that back in 1947, the U.S. government imprisoned Dr. Wilhelm Reich, Sigmund Freud’s star student, for trying to turn orgasms into harnessable energy. Turns out he may have been onto something. [5] The genius gadget that Pornhub says can “save the world,” is called a “Wankband,” and is a wearable device a bit similar to a Fitbit that is strapped to the naughty user’s wrist and generates electricity when it’s moved up and down, according to the XXX-rated website, which claims to have the Earth’s best interest in mind. [3] [4]
At Pornhub we decided to do something about it. Introducing The Wankband: The first wearable tech that allows you to love the planet by loving yourself. […] With millions of hours of video consumed daily, this could have a major impact on power consumption and give much pleasure to Mother Nature.” [3]
Given that’s it’s called a Wankband, you can guess exactly what type of motion we’re talking about here. [7] Though Pornhub claims that the wristband works for both men and women, and that it will “adapt to your routine,” the wrist-flicking motion that powers the wristband seems specific to penile masturbation. [4] [7] The band creates power when moved in an up and down motion, with a kinetic charger inside storing the clean (albeit slightly dirty) energy generated. [3] It can then be connected via USB to smartphones, tablets and computers, powering them with 100% sustainable energy. “Stop jacking off and start jacking on,” the clever ad says. [2] “We’re showing men that they can save the planet by doing what they do best,” says the promotional video. [4] It’s still in its development stage, but the company is looking for “loving hands” to test it out when it’s finished. [2] Interested men and women can apply through the site to become a beta tester. Pornhub also urges its users to come up with their own ideas using the hashtag #wankband. [1] To encourage users to save energy by using their Wankbands, Pornhub is creating a “Wanking Warriors program” that offers special rewards. [10] [14]
According to MTV, there are some flaws with this planet-saving plan, though. They noted that PornHub doesn’t mention exactly how much “fun” is needed to fully charge a device, but we’re guessing it would take a looonggg time to generate enough power to fuel all those apps. Maybe don’t ditch your normal phone charger just yet. [5] But when interviewed by The Daily Dot Pornhub’s vice president of marketing Corey Price further explained how the Wankband works and how much battery power it will provide for your smartphone:
Our goal is that the Wankband will be capable of producing enough power to charge an average smartphone for 15 minutes of typical use and an hour of standby use after a single session. [4]
Price also said that yes, the Wankband will work for ladies:
There are many creative ways to masturbate, just imagine a girl playing an air guitar. While it may not be the typical image associated with female masturbation, many women employ vigorous wrist movements during their ‘me’ time. [4]
Perhaps next year, ladies will get something more along the lines of a Wank Ring. [7] It’s unclear when the band will hit the shelves. Not surprisingly, the accessory has already quickly formed a fan base.
This is not the first time the site has dipped into conservation in a bid to clean up its reputation, having previously promised to plant a new tree for every 100 videos watched on its site. [3] PornHub is trying to de-stigmatise the viewing of pornography, and recently started advertising out in the real world using SFW billboards. [3]
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[11] Pornhub’s ‘Wankband’ encourages masturbating for the environment, Toronto Sun, Friday, February 27, 2015 08:52 AM EST
[12] Stephanie Castillo, PornHub Proposes The Wankband, A Wearable Allowing Masturbation To Double As Clean Energy, Medical Daily, February 28, 2015 2:49 PM
[13] Gaz Jeffries, Masturbation could help save the planet, apparently, Pink News, 28th February 2015, 3:27 PM
[14] Ian Servantes, You Can Now Charge Your Phone by Jerking Off, Complex, Febuary 26 2015
[15] Pornhub’s ‘Wankband’ encourages masturbating for the environment, Canoe.ca, Feb 27, 2015
