Police in Oregon arrested 21-year-old Ross McMackin Sunday night after he drove his car onto the sidewalk and collided with a parked vehicle before fighting with his girlfriend when she tried to take the keys, according to The Smoking Gun.  It turns out that the reason McMackin did all those things is because he was incredibly intoxicated. While a story like this normally wouldn’t attract much attention, McMackin’s choice of wardrobe made the arrest particularly notable: the joke is that this idiot who got arrested for being drunk was wearing a t-shirt that says “Drunk As Shit” on the front. The moral of this story is that the world would be a much better place if everyone were required to wear a t-shirt that described their current state of being. At the very least, it would have made the police’s job a hell lot easier. It’s hard not to imagine how useful similar apparel bearing statements like “I’m in my period,” “suffering from Latourette syndrome” or “I just shit my pants” would easily allow people to avoid what would otherwise be awkward and frustrating situations. Later reports show “shit” was in fact less drunk than this guy.
Idiot Arrested for DUI While Wearing A ‘Drunk As Shit’ T-Shirt
 Connor Toole, Man Arrested For DUI While Wearing A ‘Drunk As Sh*t’ Shirt, Elite Daily, April 4, 2014 ; Motorist, 21, Wearing A “Drunk As Shit” T-Shirt Is Arrested For Drunk Driving, The Smoking Gun, April 4, 2014; Tommy Gimler, Man Wearing ‘Drunk As Shit’ Shirt Arrested for DUI, Mandatory, Apr 08, 2014
 Jay Hathaway, Man Arrested for DUI While Wearing Dumbest Possible Shirt, Gawker, 4/07/14 12:08pm