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Home / Sexuality / Sex Toys / The New Pokémon Sex Toys Just Hit the Shelves
mg_pokemoan_childhood_ruine

The New Pokémon Sex Toys Just Hit the Shelves

pokemon2_0  The New Pokémon Sex Toys Just Hit the Shelves pokemon2 0For all of you people who got pissed about the all-women Ghostbusters reboot and complained about how it ‘ruined your childhood’ – you might want to know about this new range of sex toys.  Pokémon sex toys are here to take your innocent fun and make it all dirty.  This new line of toys is joining innocent child play with anal sex in such a sickening way that you may want to call the police.  The Pokémon Go craze has already infiltrated the worlds of dining, dating, friendshipporn and even Beyoncé. [7] So it was only a matter of time before Pokémon-themed dildos were added to the list.  The company making this happen is Geeky Sex Toys, an Australian site that specializes in “combining pop culture with sex toys” and “re-imagining them in a fun and nerdy way.” [7]  It’s a collection of sex toys inspired by Pokémon. “We had always intended on doing a Pokémoan range of toys,” a representative for Geeky Sex Toys said in an email. “When Pokémon Go came out we decided to move them up the priority list.” [7]  The new range of toys is cheekily titled Pokemoan (get it?) and has four 100 percent silicone insertable toys, ranging in price from $50-$69, and inspired by four different characters — Bulbasaur, Charmander, Squirtle, and Pikachu.  [11] The silicone toys are perfect for anyone who fancies being an ultimate Pokémon master in the gym and the bedroom.  They’re based on the starter pokémon, and each one has specific sexual powers – so choose wisely. [1] And in case you were wondering if the people who are fanatical about Pokémon Go are just as fanatical about the prospect of making love to a silicone Bulbasaur: they are.  “People are going nuts over the Pokémoan products, absolutely loving them,” they said. “We have had an overwhelming response and are flat out trying to keep up.” [7]

The Bulbasaur-inspired ‘Bulby’ has a ‘large seed tip’ that’s 5cm wide, for deep stimulation.

mg_bulbasaw_dildo  The New Pokémon Sex Toys Just Hit the Shelves mg bulbasaw dildo
‘Squirty”s large grooved turtle shell on its back will give stimulation intense stimulation along the top wall of the vagina, so it’s ideal for women who are able to get off via G-spot action.
mg_squirtle_dildo  The New Pokémon Sex Toys Just Hit the Shelves mg squirtle dildo

‘Charmy’ is slightly thinner and has a large, pointed flaming tail. So you can set your sex life on fire.

mg_charmander_dildo  The New Pokémon Sex Toys Just Hit the Shelves mg charmander dildo
There’s also ‘Piky’. The Pikachu of starter pokémon, it’s really not best suited for beginners.  It’s a butt plug that slots into your bum to give you a mini Pikachu tail. Cute.
mg_pikachu_dildo  The New Pokémon Sex Toys Just Hit the Shelves mg pikachu dildo
Each sex toy costs $69 (£52), apart from ‘Piky’, which is $50 (£39). Gotta catch ’em all, we guess.
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In conclusion: You can now quite literally fill the Pokémon-shaped hole in your life when the Pokémon Go servers are down. [6]

sub-buzz-15645-1469650879-2  The New Pokémon Sex Toys Just Hit the Shelves sub buzz 15645 1469650879 2 sub-buzz-3318-1469650658-6  The New Pokémon Sex Toys Just Hit the Shelves sub buzz 3318 1469650658 6——————————

[1] Ellen Scott, Pokémon sex toys now exist and you’ve gotta catch ’em allMetro.co.uk, Thursday 28 Jul 2016 12:21 pm
[6] Anna Borges, These Pokémon Sex Toys Are Here To Ruin Your Childhood, BuzzFeed, Jul. 27, 2016, at 5:42 p.m.
[8] Ryan Craggs, Welp, Pokémon Sex Toys Are Here, Thrillist, July 27, 2016
[9] Rebecca Jane Stokes, Apparently Your Fave Sex Toy Can Help You Cheat at Pokémon GO, Women Health Mag, August 19, 2016
[10] Magali Croset-Calisto, Du premier vibromasseur au sextoy Pokemon, petite mécanique du plaisir, The Huffington Post France, 08/08/2016 13h37 CEST

About Bill Wallace

Bill Wallace is a self-fashioned writter, a computer programmer and cybermarketer from Quebec City, Canada who decided to enter the political arena after his disillusionment with the socialist system under which he was living in the French Canadian province of Quebec.